Monday

So Monday morning is here and I feel awful for eating last night. I won’t eat anything for the rest of this week and so I will get to my goal weight!! 

So anyway I am sat in the school public bus and I seems as if nobody wants to sit by me this morning. 

I don’t even know what I am wearing today, something I threw on because I don’t feel great today, mentally speaking. 

The thoughts are coming back quickly if not stronger than ever. I don’t want to eat and I can’t believe I have. 

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Later on during the day 11:00am

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I had a panic attract on the bus and on my way to school, but only lasting briefly into first lesson. I couldn’t breathe and it was ever since I bumped into this man on my way to the bus. I have just felt so surreal and teary. It felt as if I wasn’t in my body I saw a glimpse and I saw my sister lizzie. I thought I was in a dream. 

I have had two chemistry lessons and whenever I volunteered myself to answer the questions I got the wording wrong and I just gave up on trying. I got told off for using the front entrance when all of my other friends got told off too, I think I am just in the way and everyone finds me annoying. 

The person before who I was talking about said morning to me, so maybe I am not as annoying to the person as I thought I was. 

I feel as if I am in the way and there is no doubt about it, if the way things go with the texts and stuff goes badly, I won’t be able to cope. I have been the victim of so much this year and I can’t do it anymore. I only have so much strength and even at the moment I am going insane thing to keep myself sane. 

I am sorry about the previous part being so morbid and sad, I have just read over it, I think I was having a bit of a moment. 

The afternoon improved as in my maths lesson I got a question right nobody else could figure out!! Then at lunch I spoke to my counsellor, online, and then on the bus home I have made two new friends. You know when you just know they will play a big part in your life? Well that’s what it feels like.

Hope everybody has had a good day so far!! Xxx